I am not a cradle Catholic, in fact on most things I and the Catholic Church will find some divergence of opinion. I am however Catholic. A decision I made some time long before I had children and through a very long and meticulous process. I began as just a parishioner, and later joined the choir and even sang solos.
This journey from my first foot inside of the Catholic Church to my conversion on an Easter morning 4 years later was also different. I went through RCIA fully intending to not change anything about my situation, to just continue my faith journey and hopefully to continue to develop my commitment towards God.
I give my reader this background so they can understand each of the choices that I made in the past. I am not however a liturgical person my sense of faith veers off when it comes to Biblical law. I can however speak quite well about what faith means to me. What is contained going forward is about that and has nothing to with any Church by definition that I am aware of
My children however have been baptized and raised Catholic from the beginning. By the time they came into this world, I was a well-established member of the Catholic faith. They do not go to Catholic School however, just church and CCD. Their faith journey has been different than mine in many ways and will always be. Faith is an individual process between you and God. What side trails your journey takes are wholly dependent on where your spiritual journey leads.
My children’s journey today after years of Sunday classes is leading them towards their first reconciliation and onward to their first communion. As most of my readers know Buddy has Down Syndrome. My Co-Parent and I opted to hold Buddy back one year of his CCD in hopes that his ability to learn might catch-up with the class he was attending. When Punkin started, she was with Buddy in the same class learning side-by-side with him.
There are 7 Sacraments in the Catholic Church, Reconciliation being one of them. Very shortly both of my children will accept this Sacrament at the same time. Buddy and Punkin have gone through this process hopefully learning fully what it means to confess your sin to the Father or Christ and receive forgiveness.
I have been very troubled by my Co-Parents insistence of Buddy going through the same process as Punkin. This has caused much strife in my life. My views of this Sacrament have remained unchanged. From even before we were married, my view has been this is too early in a spiritual journey to make this type of commitment to god. In my life as a Catholic most do agree that a 7-8 year olds idea of sin is very rudimentary. Their “faith” is based on not doing mean things to their parents or as my daughter confirmed. “If I bit my brother, I have committed a sin”
I went through a diligent process in accepting my first reconciliation and then my first communion. My journey took 5 years of attendance in church and would not have happened had I not had numerous conversations with the Deacon on faith and more importantly how my faith fits into the Catholic Church. My desire to commune in the church I attended won out though.
I longed to have communion. For me that was the most important part that I was missing in my life. I wanted to receive the bread and the cup and to confirm that faith I had in Christ. I hadn’t communed in the Catholic Church where I went week in and week out because I knew that this was not allowed. Being Lutheran I shouldn’t commune inside of a Catholic Church so I withheld myself from this part of the service.
In all of these discussions with the Deacon it was apparent to me that the rules of man were what caused me anxiety. The “rules of god” probably didn’t mind. I converted to Catholicism and I accepted the cup and have communed ever since, except for a number of months after my divorce become final.
I find myself a diligent practitioner of my faith. The “faith” I practice in the church that I attend do vary wildly from it. I have ironed out “my faith” and my relationship with God with may conversations with him. We have worked on it together and it is forever evolving and will continue to.
Buddy, has only a rudimentary knowledge of good and bad. When I have discussed sin with him he repeated the word to me like we were practicing a speech lesson. When asked about what would be good or bad behavior I know that he is aware and learns, he doesn’t bite people anymore, but onetime did. He helps the girl down the block get her coat on. He says he is sorry when either asked or for bumping into someone on the street. He in addition knows how to get his emotions under control when asked if a toy is taken away from him. He understands things in the moment.
I doubt he will ever be able to have those conversations with God that I have on a regular basis, it won’t be a matter a choice he can make, but a matter of ability. His understanding will limit him. I who have crafted what it is that I have learned and painstakingly apply it to my faith. I then continue to seek out and study to modify what I believe on a regular basis. This will be lost on Buddy. I realize though that this is my own selfish loss for my son
Buddy will walk through this reconciliation process despite what I want for him however. My Co-Parent has deemed him ready for this. She has also had conversations with Buddy and she reports that he does grasp and can speak upon sin and equate it with “good” and “bad”
As I was trying to find some meaning for me in this milestone that Buddy will undertake shortly, I have discussed with many people in my surrounding “think tank” I have received much advice. I even consulted my daughter to see what her feelings were on the topic.
Punkin spent time talking about sin and the process of reconciliation. Though not totally grasping sin she did at least understand the benefit of talking to someone or to communing with God and asking for forgiveness. I felt comfortable about where she was on her spiritual journey that I hope will continue to evolve even after I stop mandating it.
I also asked her about Buddy and if he felt he understood Reconciliation. She spoke about how attentive Buddy is in class. How he spends time watching different movies or coloring. She reported how mom has been in class on occasion playing with him. In one case he was taking pictures of his whole class with his camera. Punkin said she didn’t think he understood. I thanked her for her honesty.
I consulted with the same Deacon who I had conversations with years earlier. I eagerly anticipated his thoughts on the topic. He had reservations, but also felt that Buddy may never understand what is needed, but if he is not harmed then why not let it happen? I to had had this conversation with myself as well. Was I just holding onto how I lived and what I wanted, when in reality, it would never happen? Is this not what we expect or want for each of our children and may be the most precious gift we can give? Neither question has right or wrong answers.
For each of my children we want to have a better life than we had. We guide them in the direction and let them glean from our years of experience what worked and what didn’t. Letting them go finally to lead their own lives. Buddy though doesn’t have that luxury and may never have it. In the same deep recesses of mind where I talk to God, I also talk to me and question as a father what is right for one child and not for the other. On this topic I don’t have any answers. Faith is the answer not only in religion, but in parenting as well.
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